Reader Question: How do I help my child move away from a negative mindset?

Cultivating a realistic, yet optimistic mindset in your child

Reader Question: How do I help my child (6-year-old boy) move away from a negative theory of mind? He blames others, he assumes the worst in their intentions, he is often quick to complain.

This is more common than you may think. We all tend to focus on the negative. Our brains are designed to protect us and focus on our survival. Our brains instinctively pay attention to things that make us feel stressed or upset—anything that could be a threat.

Being aware of this tendency to focus on the bad can help us teach our children optimistic explanatory styles of thinking and counterbalance the brain's negativity bias. 

The negativity bias may be especially noticeable between the ages of 6 to 8 when children develop the ability to self-monitor and start comparing their abilities to their peers (source).

With this new cognitive ability comes self-judgment and self-doubt. Even the child who had the sunniest personality in preschool may start to show dips in self-esteem as they see themselves in a different light and become more self-critical.

The egocentric confidence of the early years is replaced with a new, more critical inner voice. This can be especially problematic in our society with its hyper-focus on achievement.

Whether your child has negative self-talk or is quick to blame others or complain, here are four tips to help your child cultivate a realistic positive outlook:

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