How to be a Calm Parent Even When Your Kids Are Out of Control — Part 1
Welcome to the new home of Nurture and Thrive on Substack!
Hello Nurture and Thrive community,
Thank you so much for all of the wonderful responses to the quiz I sent out a few weeks ago! I am so excited (now that Spring Break is over) to start answering some of your questions! Here are just *some* of the topics you suggested:
Positive parenting tweens and teens
Maintaining your calm even when your child is not
Handling impulsive behavior/low frustration tolerance/ anger regulation
Homework management and motivation/ encouraging responsibility
Sleep regression
Competitiveness/ Being a “good sport”
I have taken notes on all of your questions and can’t wait to dive in! If you didn’t submit a question this time, don’t worry!! I will send out another opportunity to ask me questions again soon!
How to be a Calm Parent Even When Your Kids Are Out of Control — Part 1
I used to think that the first step when your child is out of control was to reframe your expectations of your child — I no longer believe that is the first step. The first step is all about you! When you notice yourself starting to tense up or react because your child is losing it — all you need to do is pause.
Identifying that space between what’s happening outside of you and what is happening inside of you is the difference between automatically reacting and consciously responding.
What do you do in that pause? Breathe. Resist judging yourself — it is perfectly natural to feel stress when your child is dysregulated. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good parent — being a “calm parent” isn’t even the goal. The goal is to be able to say to yourself — my child’s dysregulation is not my dysregulation. It doesn’t have to automatically key up your emotions and response. You have a choice.
Sometimes, we are already stressed about other things, and we are dysregulated — being able to pause can help you see that. It is OKAY to feel stress as a parent. Pausing gives you a moment to assess your inner space and to have a choice in how you respond to your child.
Try it: This week, pause when you notice your child is dysregulated. Breathe. Take a brief moment to notice YOUR feelings.
I’d love to know how that first small step goes for you. Comment in the App and let me know! Next week we will talk about the next step after the pause!
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